Sam in the Sun

Oh my Lord, Jesus. First, let me start by saying that I passed my driver’s license exam on the first try. Next, I am a college graduate, and I hold a bonafide, legitimate degree from a recognized university. Lastly, I have an Advanced Paralegal Certificate, having graduated with honors, also from a college whose program is recognized by the American Bar Association. All that being said, there are some people into whose hands certain tools of a trade should never fall – and I am one into whose hands a certain wax warmer hair removal machine should never have fallen but did. Unfortunately for him. Here is the part where I insert my sincerest-sounding apologies to him, my boyfriend of six years, whom I actually finagled into being, as he rightly termed, a “guinea pig.” And of this I am certain: Pretty much all guinea pig species, including Skinny Pig, the hairless guinea pig, now have more hair than he has over his eyes. How his eyebrows being prematurely emancipated from his f...

For a woman, losing an eyelash on or after the age of 40 is a lot like a man getting a flat tire...and not having a spare. I discovered this the other night when, as I was applying mascara, a lash appeared to wobble, as if it was going to leave its foundation. "No!" I whispered urgently, and was relieved to discover, after a thorough search of my mascara wand, it was some sort of optical illusion. The first I heard about "older" women losing lashes and certain facial hair occurred during a makeup application session at a high-end cosmetics counter at a department store. "You have a lot of eyelashes  for your age ," the young girl told me. "Most  older  women don't have very many." I was 30 at the time. "What?!" I asked her in alarm. "You mean I'm going to lose my eyelashes?!" "Your eyebrows, too," she replied, matter-of-factly. Ever since then, I've kept an eye out, pardon the pun, and she...

Fair warning to the reader. This story is none too short. But like anything in life, sometimes the best things turn out to be those for which we wait the longest. The Riding Mower is such a tale. The twists, turns, and even the straight lines lead to a rich harvest well worth the time spent sowing by the author and reaping by the reader. I promise, and I can make that promise because I am the one to whom it happened. And this is the it that happened: Quite possibly it was because my mind was on something other than what it should have been focused. Quite possibly it was because, under the circumstance, I should have been nowhere near a piece of machinery, heavy or otherwise, but the way the day started gave no hint of what was yet to come. On a warm and sunny Florida morning in August 2008, I decided to mow my parents' lawn. Since it is a small town with only one blinking light, and because I had little to do otherwise, I had spent a great portion of that summer's visit ...

My dad always told me that you should not borrow something if you cannot afford to replace it. Well, dad, if I could afford to replace it, why would I need to borrow it in the first place? It is probably not a good sign when the recycled desk items from people leaving your work place is larger than the stockpile in the office supply storeroom. How come it is called cake if it is really Rice Krispies covered in icing? Just because a person dies doing what they wanted to do doesn't mean they wanted to die. Nature doesn't forgive stupid. For women, losing an eyelash at age 40 is a lot like a man getting a flat tire...and not having a spare! The older my dad gets, the worse he is with his cell phone and the better he gets with any television remote.